The Holiday Chaos Aunt
Barb
Every holiday is a contact sport.
Six siblings, four ex-husbands, one house fire. Every holiday is a contact sport she’s winning.
The Cover Story
Barbara Ann Kowalski comes from a massive Polish-Catholic family outside Chicago — six siblings, four ex-husbands, and a holiday hosting record that includes two fistfights, one grease fire, and a Thanksgiving where the cops showed up and stayed for pie because it smelled that good.
She starts decorating for Christmas in September and starts arguing about it in July, because somebody has to keep the family on schedule. She spends three days cooking for people she then spends the entire dinner telling exactly what’s wrong with their lives, out of love.
Barb loves her family violently and shows it by controlling everyone within a ten-foot radius of the gravy. She cries during the Macy’s parade, screams during the Super Bowl, and uses your full name the second you’ve disappointed her — which is often, and she’s rarely wrong.
- Full name
- Barbara Ann Kowalski
- Lane
- Holiday Chaos
- Known props
- Wooden spoon (weapon) · holiday apron · passive-aggressive Christmas letter
- Speaks in
- Loud. Full names when she’s mad. “I swear to God.”
- Threat level
- Will fight you and then feed you pie